You're one of the clever clogs aren't you? I've got about as much use for you as a bag full of Abraham Lincoln's elbows. Let me get back to eating dirty diapers. A new restaurant is opening in Bithlo capitalizing on the success of the Orlando Speed World Oval Track and adjacency to Outdoor Xtreme Orlando Paintball and Airsoft. It is hoping to energize a new commercial development on Topeka Street, currying favor with the clientele of these two establishments (Florida shitheels) while also cultivating a more elite vibe for booji boy Bithloans (polished Florida shitheels). Booji is pronounced boogie. It was a typo. I didn't make a typo. No, Mark Mothersbaugh did. The guy from Yo Gabba Gabba? Well yeah but from Devo. Yeah but I wrote the piece. Mark Mothersbaugh doesn't write for the Bithlo Buzzard. I mean I'd be happy for him to, but I can't imagine what his stake in Bithlo boosterism would be though. What are you on about, Cranborque? You brought it up. I'm just trying to build this city back up. Maybe we could even reincorporate. This shithole? I mean, if Mark Mothersbaugh is on board like you're saying. The restaurant is called Cock & Balls. The innovative concept is built around indoor bocce courts (bocciodromo) with troughs of coq au vin at the end of each pitch. We caught up with restauranteur and sex pest Kieran Canter to learn what spawned this obsequious fusion. "Well there's 6 core values that appoint this vision. One is that I'd been to this place in Kansas called Chicken & Pickle, chicken for the grub and pickle for the pickleball. Two is that I feel like Bithlo is ready for a boom. I mean, look around. This is a fucking lesion of a town, in a state that is the anus of a continent. All I'm saying is it's due for a win. What now? Yes... three is that I made a bank at the Jai Alai Fronton. Four is that--culinarily--coq au vin is becoming disengaged from the etymology of its name. That kind of looseness with language troubles me. From there it's a baby step to the Tower of Babel just falling on your dick. Also, you know, the misandry is just getting out of control. It's 'coq'!!! Respect it!!! Five is that I'm trying to get the shitters from the race track to come. Those pencildicks love sports. They can't eat without seeing something move. Their brains are about as developed as frogs. And six, finally, is that if you put an ampersand in your name every nitwit with more money than sense will think it's a classy joint." Who knows where the ampersand trend caught fire. One imagines it is part of America's continued cultural fealty to the UK and that their pubs are all called Thistle & Dickweed or whathaveyou. Obsequious? I don't know man... I get paid more for fancy words. What were you saying about Mothersbaugh?
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